Sir Montague Rathebone Scratchbodie was born in Stump, Dorset in 1935. His early life is unclear, apart from an early love of ballet and women’s acrobatics. He was educated at Saint Damilia the Depressed, Boreham, Kent and Saint Phil’s University, Plymouth. At the age of 21 he joined the civil service as part of a young offender’s program. His first posting was to Malaya as assistant to the chief clerk in charge of paper clips.

 

By the early sixties, Sir Montague had worked his way up to Assistant to the chief officer in charge of hairstyles at the Ministry of Defence; a position of vital importance at the time, given the widespread and dangerous spread of long hair in the civil service during this period.

 

In the seventies, Sir Montague was stationed in South America. As second commissioner to the Consul in charge of Banana purchasing, he was at last free to spread his wings. Whilst researching the bars of Caracas, Sir Montague met his lifelong friend—Classified data– who he referred to as ‘Uncle Sanchez’. Their adventures, such as ‘Sir Montague gets lost’ and ‘The affair of the missing banana’ are part of Civil service lore. Unfortunately, they are still classified and, as such, cannot be discussed here.

 

For several years, Sir Montague beavered on in various, low level, positions in the service of HM’s government. But he never gave up hope that the call would come. Eventually, the time came and he was put in joint charge of the Throckmorton-Scratchbodie commission for regulating the dimensions of civil service office pot plants. Montague Rathebone Scratchbodie was knighted for his efforts in the lists of 1998.

 

Sir Montague retired from the civil service in 2003, after the regrettable ‘Chelmsford Ladies Athletics Society’ incident. He now lives, in Strocking, Devon, with his wife Wilfredda, his life long time friend ‘uncle Sanchez’ and their dog , Hitler. He lists his interests as bananas, servants and writing angry letters to the Daily Telegraph.